Before and After January
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: everything and in between universe. As a poison slowly works through Ruby's system, the men who love her are forced to watch as she slips away from them forever.


_AN: Okay, this is a missing scene from everything and in between. It was mentioned Ruby was poisoned and so I thought I'd write a oneshot about how Dean and Ben dealt with her almost death. And yes, I realize poison doesn't usually affect demons, but I did say that this poison affects everyone and every thing, including demons. Once again, yes, this is about the Katie Cassidy Ruby._

**Title: **_**Before and After January**_

**Summary:** 'everything and in between' universe. Missing scene.

**Pairing: **Hints at Dean/Ruby.

**Genre:** Angst/Family.

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. I also do not own the song _Shine Your Light On Us _by Robbie Seay Band.

_**Before and After January**_

Dean's warm hand clasped her cold one as she slept fitfully in the large bed, sweat dampened hair plastering itself to her pale face. Dean knew he should have been out reading ancient books in search of a cure, but he...he just couldn't bring himself to leave her. Dean looked at her for a moment, as if he were trying to imprint her face in his mind, and then he reached out and brushed blond hair away from her face, grimacing slightly when he felt how warm her skin was.

There was a noise in the doorway and Dean tensed, drawing his hand away quickly and turning his eyes to the boy in the doorway. ''Ben....what are you....you shouldn't be in here.''

''They...They could use your help researching.'' Ben spoke, his voice hoarse from disuse. He had been silent ever since he stepped foot in the house. Not much to say anyways.

Dean looked back at Ruby. ''Yeah, I know, I just....I don't want to leave her.....I don't....'' He sighed. ''....I don't want her to wake up alone.'' He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. ''I don't want her to be afraid.''

Ben nodded and moved farther into the room, never taking his eyes off Ruby. He didn't say anything, but Dean knew that flashes of finding his mother dead in bed were running through Ben's mind. He was going to _kill_ Sam and Bobby for letting the boy get back here. Ben inched closer to the bed and reached out a hand to touch her fevered skin. Just before hand reached skin, he drew his hand away like he had been burned.

''She's not going to bite, Ben.'' His father murmered softly.

Ben lifted his eyes to Dean and he struggled to swallow down tears. ''She wouldn't recognize me, would she?''

Dean didn't answer.

Ben backed himself against the wall and let his legs give out beneath him, sliding to the floor. ''It's okay, you can tell me. I read up on what the poison does. Nausea, dizziness, headache, fever, sweating, hallucinations, delirium, it's got it all. It rips through your body like a deadly virus and leaves nothing behind but an empty shell. If she woke up right now, if she opened her eyes, she wouldn't recognize us. Wouldn't know who you are, who I am, wouldn't know where she is, or even _who_ she is....right?''

Dean was silent for a long time and Ben was almost positive his father wasn't going to answer him. But then Dean spoke up, his voice strained and raw. ''Right.''

Ben shut his eyes and let one single tear fall down his cheek. ''Dad...'' But that was all he managed to get out before the pressure building in his chest became too much for the boy and a strangled whimper escaped his lips. Dean crossed the room quickly and pulled his son into his arms, letting the boy cry against his chest. ''She's going to leave us all alone, isn't she? Like Mom?'' Dean's breath caught in his throat and he shut his eyes, his grip on Ben tightening. He didn't answer right away, because he didn't know how to answer that, but finally, he pulled the boy away from him and met his eyes. ''Hey, listen to me, Ben, this is_ Ruby _we're talking about. This is our girl, okay? And she is not going anywhere. I..._We_ won't let her. Do you understand me?''

The almost eleven year old nodded and swiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. ''Yeah,'' he sniffled and looked at Ruby, lying in the bed, looking like she was getting weaker and weaker by the second, like it took all of her strength just to keep breathing. Ben bit his lip. ''Dad....you...you should go out there. Help them, I'll stay with Ruby.''

''I don't think that's a good idea.''

''Why not?''

''Ben, if she wakes up.....if she wakes up you won't be strong enough to restrain her.''

''If she wakes up, I'll call for you.''

Dean hesitated.

Ben sighed and told himself not to roll his eyes. ''I'll be fine, Dad. Just go.''

Dean shifted and looked down at Ben, studying him carefully. ''Ben,'' his gaze moved back and forth between Ruby and Ben. ''If something ever happens to me....you know I love you right?''

A small smile danced on Ben's face. ''I know, Dad. I love you too.''

''Keep an eye on her.'' Dean threw a weak smile at his son and moved back to Ruby's side, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. ''I hope you know how hard this family's fighting for you.'' He whispered, only for her ears to hear, even though he wasn't even sure she heard him.

As soon as Dean was out of the room, Ben collapsed in a chair next to the bed and slowly reached out and grasped her hand in his. ''Ruby....I....I need you to do something for me.'' Ben paused and tried to find the right words to say. ''See, this family, my Dad, me, even uncle Sam, we all need you....probably more then we'll ever admit. I mean, you're one of Sam's best friends, my Dad is_ hopelessly _in love with you, and me....well...I-I mean you're probably the closest thing I'll ever have to a mother. So, I need you...to hang on....just for a little bit longer...Please...just hang on...for me....please don't....'' He blinked furiously, trying to blink away tears, trying to be strong for her. ''Please don't leave me.'' He squeezed her hand, and it may have been his imagination, it may have been him wanting to believe so desperately that she was going to be okay, but he could have sworn she squeezed his hand back.

--

''Ben!''

Ben's head shot up and he blinked sleep from his eyes, untangling his hand from Ruby's to rub his blurry eyes. He yawned and rose to his feet, stumbling a bit. When he was sure Ruby was still sleeping and hadn't been awakened by the yell that echoed through the house, he stumbled out of the room and into the living room. ''What?''

''There's a cure!''

Suddenly Ben was wide awake. Who needed sleep? His jaw dropped open and his eyes bugged out of his head as he stared at his father and the others. ''Wh-What?''

''Sam and I are going to get what we need, you stay here with Bobby and Jo, okay?'' Dean was already throwing on his coat, Sam was already out the door, cold air filtering in through the open door and making Ben shiver.

The boy managed a nod, despite his obvious shock. ''O-Okay.''

_''Do not let her die!''_ Was the last thing out of Dean's mouth before the door slammed behind him. There was a moment where Ben just stood there, mouth hanging open, and then his step-mother placed a warm hand on Ben's shoulder and looked at him carefully. ''Ben, are...are you okay?''

Slowly, a wide smile slipped across his face. ''Yeah, I-I'm good.''

--

Dean's excitement over finding the cure fizzled out as soon as the Impala was racing along a deserted and wet highway and a million thoughts were running through his head a thousand a minute, making them nearly impossible to decipher. What if they couldn't find what they needed? What if they were too late? What if she died while they were gone and he wasn't there?

_''Just go get your son before he does his own disappearing act.''_

Her voice floated through his head and he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

_''Did you just call me Rubes?''_

_''Maybe....''_

His knuckles turned white.

_''I think you're a better father then you think you are, Dean.''_

His jaw twitched.

_''What about you, Blondie? I get a hug from my favourite demon girl? Ow!''_

_''You are _such_ a dumbass.''_

His vision blurred.

_''If you wanted to be on top, baby, all you had to do was ask.''_

_''Call me baby one more time, I dare you.''_

_''You're jealous.''_

_''Don't flatter yourself short bus. The only reason I put up with you is because I'm here to help Sam.''_

_''That excuse doesn't work anymore, sweetie, the war's over. Besides, you know you love me, Blondie.''_

_''I loathe you. There's a big difference.''_

His breathing sped up.

_''Ruby, tell me you didn't let it bite you!''_

Something warm rolled down his cheek.

_''Dean...Don't...Don't leave me.''_

It took him a few seconds to realize it was a tear.

_''Never.''_

Sam slid his eyes to his brother, concern etched onto his face. ''Dean, are you okay?''

Dean sped up.

He had lost way too many people in his life, and he simply refused to lose her too.

--

Ben paced back and forth, biting his nails. He was practically shaking with nerves as he lifted his wrist to look at his watch. A minute passed, and then another, and another, and finally Ben couldn't take it anymore and he grabbed his coat. ''I need some air.'' Without waiting for a response from Bobby or Jo, he slipped out the door and into the brisk air, letting the door shut behind him. It was January, so it was freezing out, but Ben didn't care. He couldn't stay in that house any longer. Ben moved down the steps, wanting to distance himself from the house, and rubbed his hands together.

Everything would be fine.

It had to be.

_''Your father sent me to look after you until he get's here. Why he picked me, I don't know, I am the _last_ person he should want around his kid, but here I am. So, are you coming with me or not?''_

_''I don't even know your name.''_

_''Ruby.''_

When he heard her voice, he closed his eyes and sighed.

_''Takes more then a cheerleader to keep me from a Winchester.''_

He smiled softly.

_''Don't tell anyone this, but you're probably the only Winchester I can stand.''_

Ben told himself she wasn't going to die.

_''There is no way your father is going to leave you. He just got you.''_

Ben told himself his father would save her.

_''Ruby....why are you acting like this?''_

_''Like what?''_

_''Like Dad's death wasn't a big deal.''_

_''Look, kid, he was your Dad, it's a big deal to you, but to be honest, I couldn't stand the guy. I could care less that he's worm food. Your issue, not mine.''_

_''But he _did _mean something to you. I know he did.''_

_''I have to go, Ben. I'll see you later.''_

_''You loved him, didn't you?''_

Tears fell from his eyes and froze on his cheeks.

_''You're annoying.''_

_''But you love me anyways.''_

He fell to his knees in the dirt.

_''Ben...It takes hundreds of years to turn someone into a demon. Eventually, names and faces, they all....they all blur together, no matter how much you loved them. I don't remember his name, or how old he was, or what he looked like, but there are just some things you remember. At least, _I _remember. I remember...His laugh. And I remember that I loved him. Some things can't be erased, but that's....that's all I remember about him.''_

Something white fell on his shoulder and melted. It took Ben a few seconds to realize it was a snowflake.

_''Ruby, what else do you remember about being human?''_

_''I remember....I remember how it feels to be loved.....to know someone out there wants me...and I remember the feel of rain on my skin....and.....and snow.''_

_''Snow?''_

_''Yeah...snow.''_

Ben scrambled to his feet and turned his eyes to the sky. Before he could stop it, a laugh escaped his cracked and dry lips. The tears frozen on his cheeks shone in the moonlight and his innocent eyes glimmered as snow fell down on the ground, as if the angels were crying with him.

_''Why snow?''_

_''I used to think it was the stars falling out of the sky.''_

Ben stuck a hand out and a perfect white snowflake landed on it. He studied it carefully as it metled.

Huh.

It really did seem like the stars were falling.

Ben looked up at the sky again, letting the snowflakes fall on his face. It was January. It had been bitterly cold in December and yet it had never snowed. And now....It was snowing. Ben stared at the falling stars until he started to shiver, and then he ran up the front steps, a smile on his face. ''Guess what?'' The smile died on his lips when he saw the look on Jo's face.

--

_''There isn't much time left.''_

Five little words and yet each one had the power to shatter Ben Winchester into a million little pieces.

Bobby and Jo both stood behind him as the boy moved into the room, just in case he needed them. The first thing he noticed was that her skin had gone from pale, to nearly gray and her lips were blue. The second thing he noticed was that she was shivering, as if the snow falling outside was falling on her. ''Is she...Is she cold?''

''No...she's just...her body's just...'' Bobby sighed and gave up. ''No, she's not cold.''

Ben sat down and grabbed her hand, heart thundering in his chest. He looked down at her hand, limp in his own, and closed his eyes, licking his cracked lips. ''She feels cold.'' The snow outside fell unnoticed as her breathing became shallow, threatening to stop altogether.

Ben didn't, _couldn't_ let go of her hand, in fear she would slip away from him forever. He was still holding her hand when the front door burst open. Ben still didn't let go. He didn't let go when his father and uncle rushed into the room, holding something Ben didn't want to know the origins of. He didn't let go when Dean pulled her limp body into his arms and forced something down her throat. He didn't let go when her breathing became stronger, or when her skin regained some color.

Ben promised himself he would never let go again.

Just in case.

Both father and son were holding onto her when pale blue eyes blinked open.

Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and dropped his head into his hand. ''Good God, woman,'' he tried to smirk but only managed an incredibly relieved smile. ''Don't ever do that again.''

She laughed, tired eyes sparkling.

Ben squeezed her hand, sure the smile on his face was going to stay there forever. ''Hey, Ruby, guess what?''

''W-What?''

''It's snowing.''

She smiled.

Dean and Ben didn't let go.

And outside, in the brisk January air, the stars kept falling.

_I've been holding on_

_I've been holding on_

_All that is inside me_

_Screams to come back home_

_If you feel lost_

_If you feel lost_

_Sing along_

_If you feel tired_

_If you feel tired_

_Sing along_

-Shine Your Light On Us, Robbie Seay Band

_**the end**_

**AN: So, yeah, there you have it, the missing poison scene. Hope it made you cry, you know, in a good way. Yes, I know, it was fluffy, but for some reason this 'everything and in between' seems to bring out the fluff in me. Wow, that was a weird sentence. I'm normally not fluffy (another weird sentence) seriously, look at any of my other stories. But for some reason this universe brings out the romantic/comedy/family writer in me. Well, I'll stop babbling now. Thanks for reading!**

**Any requests for missing scenes?**

**Kisses, Becks**


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